Trump Furious at Herschel Walker: “Only a Loser Pays His Bills”


PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has angrily withdrawn his support from the U.S. Senate candidate Herschel Walker because, in the former President’s words, “only a loser pays his bills.”

Reports that Walker paid a bill in 2009 “made me very upset and, quite frankly, very mad, because it means that Herschel, who I thought was a tremendous guy and very smart, is not so smart and maybe even a big dummy,” Trump posted on his social-media platform, Truth Social.

“I have never paid a bill in my life, and I can’t support someone who has,” Trump continued. “If Herschel, who now seems like a giant loser, paid this bill, does that mean he paid his lawyer, too? His gardener? This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”

Trump said he is now demanding that all candidates he supports come forward with proof that they have never paid for anything.

“If it turns out that Dr. Oz paid the clown who whitened his teeth, he’s toast,” Trump warned.


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